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Befriending Death… Listening And Caring

luigi-persichetti-new1Issue 11.10

Perhaps the idea of befriending death sounds absurd to some whose thoughts are far from death.  But for folks who are faced with a terminal illness and their caregivers, an idea such as making friends with the scepter of death might bring some emotional, psychological and spiritual relief.

Creating time to talk with the dying person is the beginning of understanding the process of death and dying.  Moments of quiet conversation are great gifts to the dying person.  It gives him or her the opportunity to share their story.  This reflection allows the person to feel their life has value and to realize their accomplishments.  You don’t have to be a professional to provide this service to the dying.  What you need most is a loving heart and listening ear.  Compassion and love are the main ingredients that can assist the terminally ill who are facing the reality of the dying process.

Creating a new context about death and what it really is in the large scheme of life can bring some peace and relieve anxiety.  Henri Nouwen in his book, Our Greatest Gift:  A Reflection on Dying and Caring, emphasizes “the importance of looking on death as a friend rather than an enemy.”  He states:  “People of faith who believe that death is the transition from this life to life eternal, should see death as a friend.”  Many faiths see death as a gateway or birth to a greater life in Spirit.  Death as seen in this light loses its “sting” as the final end and becomes the opening to a whole new realm of conscious experience.

Our friendships are important to us in life, and especially during difficult times.   The adage that “friendship multiplies our joys and divides our sorrows” is really true for the terminally ill person.  Nouwen states that sharing feelings about dying with a friend can be very helpful.  “If you have fear and anxiety, and you talk to a friend, then those fears and anxieties about death are minimized and could even disappear.”

We can give the gift of peace to the person facing death by listening to them.  Giving them the opportunity to speak and share their life experience with us can bring them comfort and peace.  It also can enrich us beyond measure with their friendship.  Listening to their stories can bring them peace and love as well as to us.   

Luigi Persichetti is the chaplain for Southern Utah Home Care and Hospice and the minister of the Unity Church of Positive Living in St. George.

 

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