Issue 16.10
Part 2
May I share a story of a true experience that happened to me? A middle-aged father had passed away. He had divorced three times and was, at the time of his death living alone, separated from his children for many years. In conversations through the years, he had mentioned “When I die, just dispose of me the cheapest way you can. Cremate me and spread my ashes wherever.”
When the time came to make arrangements for him, his family seriously considered a minimum disposal, as he’d requested. As I counseled with the family, I pointed out that most likely he had expressed his desire for cremation to keep expenses down. Their father probably had no idea that his family would need to experience, hear, and feel a final farewell to him.
Although the children had lived long distances from him, they all felt they needed to express their love and say “goodbye” in a more meaningful way. Their pain was real and tender, but somewhat empty.
With the help of extended family and some research into financial status, some insurance money was discovered that reached to cover the expenses. The children decided to choose a full traditional service, keeping in mind their father’s wishes.
Once the family made the decision to move foreword with the funeral, I could sense a great sigh of relief as they attended to the many details. They united together, each sharing precious memories as they remembered their childhoods and happy days. The entire countenance of the occasion shifted from “What should we do?” to “Remember when?” as their memories came alive.
What is the value of this story? It illustrates how planning ahead and talking things over with your children can make the process of final arrangements not only easier, but assures you and them that all your wishes are known and understood.
When it comes to your family, sentiments are real, and rising to the occasion is natural, as well as a duty. We all need a meaningful moment to say “goodbye.” Everyone is a little different, but when it comes to Mom and Dad, family and friends, we are all pretty much the same. Our memories come alive as we reflect and pay respect to those whom we love.
Saying goodbye in a dignified manner is the “wink of approval” we all need. It is a feeling of well-being, a time-out, allowing us as family and friends an opportunity to heal together. Following our tender farewells, it is soon “back to living.”
Finances play an important role in planning a tribute to the life of your loved one. I strongly encourage planning ahead, as it is not a question of if, but a matter of when.