Issue 49.10
Death is a topic that all but the macabre or very religious steer away from. We have no problem talking about the beginning of life and we are often overjoyed at the birth of a child, but bring up death and the room goes silent. I know this because I feel that way myself. My sister recently was diagnosed with cancer and while watching her pass through the stages of grief, I personally felt her pain and fear. She was at a loss as to how, when or what to feel.
Now, as a volunteer at Zion’s Way Hospice, I have been honored to be present at more than one passing. These experiences, although sad and emotional, are among the greatest experiences of my life. There is a moment just before a person’s last breath that is as loving and beautiful as watching the miracle of birth. I feel that the only difference is a matter of coming or going; entering or leaving this life.
I have come to believe that death is a birth and not the great darkness or endless void we fear. In either case the persons who suffer and experience the emotional pain and suffering are the ones who are spectators. In this life many of us fear death and the unknown. We pretend that death cannot touch us and we are safe. The real truth is we have all been born and it is only a matter of time – we will all die!
The great blessing of our age is hospice. Hospice gives us a time in which we can prepare and, without illusion, be free from pain. And, when I say pain, I mean all pain! During one occasion when I was present at a passing, I remarked how peaceful and loving it was. The nurse I spoke to responded, “Yes, it was peaceful and you have no idea of how much work it was to make this happen.” I started thinking about all the many hours that the family had put in with social workers and chaplains and how many times nurses had been called in the middle of the night to respond to questions and concerns. What a wonderful work of art and choreography! We will all die, but how many of us have the courage to die as well as we have lived? Zion’s Way was founded on just that principle of love, service and dignity in death.
This article will be forgotten almost as quickly as it was read; however, this message must be remembered: don’t leave your loved ones guessing at the time of your death. Give them a peaceful and loving memory of how you have lived. We all will die. It is not a question of if but when. Give yourself a chance to leave this world just as miraculously as when you first arrived. Regret and pain are the real monsters we fear; not death! Allow hospice the chance to help.