Issue 5.14
Saying “Goodbye” can be difficult to do in life whenever it happens and whatever the circumstance. It is especially difficult when we are saying our goodbyes to someone who is dying.
However, we can use this precious time to express our love to the dying person and create an experience of completion and spiritual peace for ourselves and for them. On the other hand, we can decide to ignore this opportunity to say our goodbyes to a loved one and experience the pain and sorrow of separation that sometimes comes when we are feeling incomplete with someone we love.
I’ve experienced both. To speak our goodbye and to hear the last words of our loved one is more comforting and healing, than listening to the deadening silence that comes with the refusal to acknowledge the reality that our loved one is dying.
We might not want to say our final goodbyes because we don’t want to face the reality of death. The result of denying the reality of a dying person in our midst can cause us to have feelings of fear, anger and separation during this time. The pain and heartache such a denial causes is captured in the words of Bernice Godfrey’s poem, –The Long Goodbye.
“Two people facing impending death are also sharing
an “aloneness” that at times is intolerable……
The disease is eating his body, but it is consuming
their souls. They tell their loved ones the facts
and everyone pretends it is a fairy tale. Does anyone
understand what a helpless state that creates?”
Bernice Godfrey was responsible for creating the Meditation Room on the 2nd floor of Dixie Regional Hospital. It was her intent that it would be a place of peace and comfort to all who are facing the death of a loved one. You can read her poem from the plaque on the wall.
When we are willing to say our goodbyes, it acknowledges our loved one’s parting and gives them permission to move on. A loving goodbye can transcend the pain and suffering that often accompanies the death of a loved one. It renews our sense of connection with the person and fills us with gratitude for the life we shared with them. Expressing feelings of love for this relationship with the dying person can bring peace and closure to them and can make our final goodbye a sweet memory to treasure in our hearts.
Luigi Persichetti is the spiritual counselor for Southern Home Care and Hospice and retired Unity Minister from Unity Center of Positive Living in St. George.