Columnists

A Perspective On Suicide – Part 1

Issue 30.14

Part 1

June 4, 2014 By Shawna Morrissey

Before you read this post, I want to make it very clear that suicide is NOT the answer. Your life is precious. If you are struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts, PLEASE SEEK HELP. I am not an expert, a doctor or a religious authority. I am just a regular person sharing my experience and what I learned. This post was in no way meant to glorify suicide or offer it as a viable solution to any problem. Rather, it was written to aid those left behind to understand, to forgive and to heal.

This post has been in my heart for a long time. I’ve thought about it again and again. The subject seemed too heavy for our blog about delicious things. But in the past weeks, I have shared my thoughts on suicide three times with friends left in its wake. I think it is time for this post and I hope there are some out there for whom this brings clarity and comfort.

Twelve years ago this month, I lost my Uncle Jay to suicide.

At his funeral, Jay’s bishop addressed us. The words he spoke are burned into my mind. He said, “I feel impressed to tell you that Jay spent his life struggling to survive. Suicide was not a choice he made, but rather a choice he happened onto when his pain was greater than his ability to cope.”

This man, who took his own life, was a survivor in every sense of the word.

I imagine that such is true of many who leave the world in this way.

Jay loved horses. When he was a teenager, the horse he was riding spooked and darted across the street right in front of an econoline van. He spent three months in the hospital recovering from his injuries.

Jay went on to graduate from high school and serve a two year religious mission.

In his early twenties, he was deer hunting in the mountains with a friend. His horse lost its footing on a rocky cliff-like outcropping and fell. Jay landed first and the horse landed on top of him. He sustained serious internal injuries and spent six months in the hospital.

Jay never completely healed from this accident. His spleen was badly damaged and his intestines had to be reconstructed. Scar tissue would build up in his intestines over time and cause painful blockages. He regularly had surgery to remove them.

Jay was always in pain. And yet he roped calves in rodeos, qualifying for national events. People called him the “singing cowboy” and he accompanied himself with the banjo or guitar. He patented several inventions and he went to school to become an airplane mechanic.

Jay was a survivor.

In his early thirties, he met and married Wendy. I loved Wendy. She was a breath of fresh air. She was fun and energetic. She made everyone around her feel special. Wendy had beautiful brown hair and dark eyes. Jay adored her.

Over the next few years, Jay and Wendy had three sweet sons. When Wendy was pregnant with the third, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Wendy fought the cancer. She had a mastectomy and a hysterectomy. She underwent radiation, chemotherapy and painful experimental treatments.

Jay was very tender with her.

Wendy played competitive softball. Soon after a cancerous rib was removed, she hit a home run. “Should have had that rib removed years ago,” she laughed.

A few months later, the cancer took Wendy.

Jay was devastated.

He did his best to raise his sons. He was imperfect and impatient and he needed a lot of help. But he kept trying. Part 2 continues next week.

Todd Bonzo can be contacted at Metcalf Mortuary, 435-673-4221.

 

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