Issue 5.16
What do you call 6 guys at a funeral that are upset that the deceased looks better than they do?
Answer: Appalled Bearers!
One of the questions that we get asked often at Hughes Mortuary is about viewings and why we have them. Some may feel a viewing is archaic and go as far as to call it morbid. Others have come to a visitation with a closed casket and express the feelings of being cheated.
There is a plethora of information out there that could be shared about the history and reason for viewings. Here are a few things I have learned in my formal training as well as personal observation, experience and conversation with those who have (take out one have) lost a friend or loved one.
First and foremost the tradition of viewing the deceased is most certainly done out of simply that-tradition. It is part of the ceremonial process that we have become accustomed to doing and has been done in our communities and families for generations. Whether it be a family, religious or community tradition, traditions are important as they help bind us to our past and provide a connection to the future generations.
Secondly, many grief therapists believe that viewing the deceased is a benefit in facing the reality of the death. Now we all know intellectually that the person is gone, however when we experience the loss of someone close to us there are deep emotions involved that can prevent us from properly grieving and accepting the new relationship we now have with the deceased.
Most of our interaction has been in seeing and doing with that person. Moving forward they are still a part of our lives but not in the doing and seeing sense. Seeing and confronting that death is believed to be valuable in helping with that transition.
And finally and most convincing to me is personal observation and experience in dealing with hundreds who have lost a loved one. Individuals and families have expressed to me their gratitude for the process of viewing the deceased. Even those who have had reservations at first have been grateful they took the opportunity to view and then to share that opportunity with friends who come to mourn with them. The viewing and funeral is a time when we come together to share that experience with others. Most can not even explain why, but simply feel better equipped to handle the death and to continue on with their life. I have had countless wonderful experiences where family have expressed desires to have a closed casket visitation and after having private family viewings elect to leave the casket open for friends and family to experience what they experienced upon seeing the deceased. Due to these overwhelming positive experiences, we at Hughes Mortuary believe that a viewing, regardless of a traditional funeral, cremation or direct burial and either private, family, or public, is an important tool in the grieving process. in many cases viewing is not possible due to unfortunate circumstances and conditions.
There are those who also choose not to have a viewing for personal, traditional and other reasons. This is not to say that proper grieving can not occur or that it will be impossible. Keep
in mind the grieving process is extremely personal and is unique to each individual and circumstance.
The viewing is helpful as one of the many tools of that process.