Issue 33.10

Just like people who care for the physical needs of the dying bring with them their medical bag of instruments, supplies and medications, so those of us who are companions and caregivers must also bring our own “tools” of the trade for assisting the dying on their journey.  Being with the dying doesn’t require some advanced training or degree.  What’s needed and wanted is that a companion and/or caregiver be their authentic and compassionate self. 

As we companion with the dying we begin to understand the dying person doesn’t want special treatment.  They just want to be loved the same way they were loved before being notified they have a terminal illness. 

The dying delight in the ordinariness of daily living.  The simple things of life give them great pleasure.  Listening to a TV program or sharing a conversation with a friend are some of the pleasures the dying relish.    One patient on Hospice looked forward to the weekly visit of his nurse who took time to watch Andy Griffith’s ”Matlock” with him during her medical house call.

The dying enjoy hearing the sounds of life, the laughter of children, voices of family members, the clatter of pots and pans and the simple noises of living.  One person loved having the daily newspaper read to her by her companion.  Another Hospice patient I knew enjoyed his weekly trip to Wal-Mart where he rode the scooter up and down the aisles and made friends with many of the employees.

The dying desire and want to be around the living and to be involved and to share in what’s going on.    They often request their bed be moved into the living room as their time gets close because they want to be part of life until the very end. 

As we companion with the dying, we need to understand that death is not a stigma or disease like leprosy.

Staying away from them is not what they want or need; rather it is a loving conversation with those they love.    It only takes willingness on our part to be present, to listen, to be patient and accept the person and their situation for what it is.   Sharing time, humor, s listening ear and an understanding heart are “tools” we already possess.  They make a big difference to those we companion and care for and to us.   

Luigi Persichetti is the chaplain for Southern Utah Home Care and Hospice and the minister of the Unity Church of Positive Living in St. George. 

Issue 28.10

A person dying from a terminal illness has time to reflect on their life.  In some sense this is a blessing and a benefit compared to dying suddenly from a heart attack or a car/plane accident. 

This grace of time brings its own challenges.  As the person takes time to reflect on his/her life, they want to know several things:  they are loved; they are able to unite with the family member; they are forgiven; they are able to forgive; and their life made a difference.

The Peace Prayer is a way the person can experience all these things, at least spiritually and in their own heart and mind and consciousness.  It helps the dying to experience peace, meaning and connectedness through its words.   Usually this meditation is best done with the caregiver reading it, allowing the dying person to think and meditate on the meaning of each word. 

The Prayer of Peace

The first Word of Peace is:  I love you.  Say these words to yourself and think about all the people you have loved and who have loved you – whether they are here in this life or have moved on into a new and eternal life. 

Second Word of Peace is:  I forgive you.  If someone has offended you or hurt you in some way, you want to forgive them now – knowing that each of us does the best we can do with what we have been given. 

Third word of Peace is:  Please forgive me.   If there is anyone you feel you have offended in any way, say the words “Please forgive me.” 

Fourth word of Peace is:  Thank you.  Thank you God, for the life I have had the opportunity to live. 

Thank you for all the people in my life, and for the gifts, talents, skills and experiences you have given me. 

The last word of Peace is:  Goodbye.   Say goodbye to all those folks you love and are leaving behind.  Say goodbye spiritually to all the people who love you but are unable to be here in person with you.

None of us know the time or day when God will call us home.  For those who do know they are close to dying, the Peace Prayer can help them prepare to cross into the next life, and feel at peace with themselves, with God and their neighbor.

Luigi Persichetti is the chaplain for Southern Utah Home Care and Hospice and the minister of the Unity Church of Positive Living in St. George.

Issue 23.10

No matter what our religious or spiritual beliefs may be, coming to terms with death is difficult on all levels of our human and spiritual experience.  There is a Universal Truth for all of us in the death of every person.  This spiritual truth is acutely felt when we are connected to the dying person by a loving relationship.

“Science and religion are both coming to realize this truth:  death is merely the experience of changing form in the expansion of awareness,” says Dr. Patty Luckenback.    It is a comfort to us to know our loved one continues in another form of life and we hope and pray that one day we will again be united with them in the Eternal Love of God.

How do we perceive and understand death?  Can death support us in moving forward in our own life here on earth?    Jesus refers to this spiritual perspective of dying as necessary for new birth and growth to take place, when he said:  “Unless the seed falls into ground and dies, it will not produce fruit.”   

If we look at our lives from this spiritual perspective, we understand dying as a process that gives new life.    In fact, reflecting on our own lives we see birthing and dying as a continuous evolving of life itself.  We die to our childish ways in order to grow into a teenager, and continue this process through young adulthood, middle age to senior elder.  Life is a journey of birthing and dying through the various phases of our living.

This “expansion of awareness” in a different form doesn’t only happen to the dying person, but it also happens to us.  Six months after my mother died, a new form of life and “expansion of awareness” began to sprout in my life.   I became the spiritual leader of a Unity church in Victoria, Texas and thus began my journey to be a minister.  Many people grow and expand in their service to others as they process their grief and then move on in their “awareness” of life offering them new opportunities and sometimes even new relationships.

There is more life on both sides of death — both for our loved one and for us.  We discover

that life is a continual process of birthing and dying as we move forward on our journey of loving and living. 

Luigi Persichetti is the chaplain for Southern Utah Home Care and Hospice and the minister of the Unity Church of Positive Living in St. George. 

Issue 18.10

Dying is not only an individual experience but also a family and community happening.   Just like birth it has a dramatic effect on all those who share and participate in the event.

Often we are perplexed as to what to say and do during this time.  What’s most important to the dying person is having someone listen to them.   Those who are actively dying often have a great desire to share their experience and what is happening to them with others. 

As the person gets closer to death they may have glimpses of a world beyond what we know in this physical world of ours.  They may even experience the presence of loved ones who have died and gone before them.  Sometimes they may indicate they have had a “visitation” from a beloved family member or a spiritual entity.   Often their language becomes symbolic and results in misunderstandings.

Family members, friends and professional caregivers may label these communications as hallucinations or judge the dying person as being “out of it” and that the dying person’s mind is “wandering.”   However the dying person is really trying to share the experience he/she is going through or wanting to communicate what is needed for them to experience a peaceful death and to let loved ones know their time for leaving is coming soon.    

Rather than dismissing these communications of the dying as hallucinations, we need to listen carefully to what the person is trying to share with us.  Often they tell or indicate they are ready to move on into the next world by using symbolic language.   For example, the wife who had enjoyed traveling extensively with her husband and was used to waiting in lines to board planes, trains and boats stated it was her time to get in line.  A son who shared playing football with family members used the analogy of no longer being in the game as a way of  telling them he was about to die and did so the next day.

The dying want to say their good-byes, but sometimes can only do so in language and inferences that seem strange and foreign to us.  Often these messages are misunderstood and completely missed if we do not listen carefully with our hearts and just expect the communications to be as clear and understandable as in our ordinary conversations.

To hear what the dying person is trying to say, we need to listen with our hearts as well as with our ears.     

Luigi Persichetti is the chaplain for Southern Utah Home Care and Hospice and the minister of the Unity Church of Positive Living in St. George. 

Issue 14.10

A recent study published in the “Journal of Clinical Oncology” showed the overwhelming need and desire for spiritual counseling and support to cancer patients in improving their quality of life.  The study done by the Harvard Radiation Oncology Program showed a significant difference in the advanced cancer patients who had had access to spiritual counseling.

What was really significant in the study was 88% of the participants indicated that spiritual support was very important to them.  The shocking news was that the participants reported minimal or no support of their spiritual needs.  The article stated “although spiritual support was found to be strongly linked to the quality of life, nearly 75% of the patients reported unmet spiritual needs by their health care system.”

There are three core reasons for this lack of spiritual care to terminally ill patients.  Death is viewed as a physical event by a large segment of the medical profession and general population.  However, in reality, it is the most spiritual event of our lives.  Death is a process of moving from one plane of consciousness to another.  For the majority of people, no matter what their religious affiliation may be, it is an act of faith in a Spiritual Being and a belief in an existence beyond the physical universe.  When faced with the reality of death this faith becomes activated, even if the person has not attended church in years.

Secondly, there is a great misunderstanding of the role of the chaplain or spiritual counselor by the general public.  I remember several years ago visiting a hospice patient.  At the sight of me, the person stated:  “I’m not that sick, am I?”  He confused my role of support with the image of a chaplain on the battlefield of war.

The third reason perhaps is the most heart wrenching.  Caregivers in their desire to serve the needs of their loved one don’t want the patient to be disturbed or upset by any discussion or “talk about death.”   The truth and reality of the situation is that the patient is often “dying” (excuse the pun) to talk to someone about his/her feelings about this “spiritual process” he/she is going through.

The authors of the study show that spiritual support for the terminally ill greatly improves their quality of life.  They concluded their findings by stating:  “Although incorporating spirituality/religion into care requires delicacy, attention to this dimension of health has the potential to enhance patient well-being at the end of life.”   They recommend that a spiritual assessment be made part of the clinical care of patients with advanced illnesses.

Luigi Persichetti is the chaplain for Southern Utah Home Care and Hospice and the minister of the Unity Church of Positive Living in St. George. 

Issue 11.10

Perhaps the idea of befriending death sounds absurd to some whose thoughts are far from death.  But for folks who are faced with a terminal illness and their caregivers, an idea such as making friends with the scepter of death might bring some emotional, psychological and spiritual relief.

Creating time to talk with the dying person is the beginning of understanding the process of death and dying.  Moments of quiet conversation are great gifts to the dying person.  It gives him or her the opportunity to share their story.  This reflection allows the person to feel their life has value and to realize their accomplishments.  You don’t have to be a professional to provide this service to the dying.  What you need most is a loving heart and listening ear.  Compassion and love are the main ingredients that can assist the terminally ill who are facing the reality of the dying process.

Creating a new context about death and what it really is in the large scheme of life can bring some peace and relieve anxiety.  Henri Nouwen in his book, Our Greatest Gift:  A Reflection on Dying and Caring, emphasizes “the importance of looking on death as a friend rather than an enemy.”  He states:  “People of faith who believe that death is the transition from this life to life eternal, should see death as a friend.”  Many faiths see death as a gateway or birth to a greater life in Spirit.  Death as seen in this light loses its “sting” as the final end and becomes the opening to a whole new realm of conscious experience.

Our friendships are important to us in life, and especially during difficult times.   The adage that “friendship multiplies our joys and divides our sorrows” is really true for the terminally ill person.  Nouwen states that sharing feelings about dying with a friend can be very helpful.  “If you have fear and anxiety, and you talk to a friend, then those fears and anxieties about death are minimized and could even disappear.”

We can give the gift of peace to the person facing death by listening to them.  Giving them the opportunity to speak and share their life experience with us can bring them comfort and peace.  It also can enrich us beyond measure with their friendship.  Listening to their stories can bring them peace and love as well as to us.   

Luigi Persichetti is the chaplain for Southern Utah Home Care and Hospice and the minister of the Unity Church of Positive Living in St. George.

Issue 52.09

As I write this, it’s a week before Christmas.  Most of us are still scurrying around to purchase those final gifts for family and friends.  As I reflect on the meaning and sacredness of this holy season, my mind turns towards the spiritual gifts that Christmas offers us.   

One thought that keeps running through my mind is:  The best Christmas gifts are unseen.  We don’t find them under the tree or in “the stockings hung by the chimney with care.”   What are the intangible gifts of Christmas?

The birth of Jesus at Bethlehem created a spiritual shift in the universe and the gift of a new spirit was born in humanity.  This birth changed our relationship to God.  Through the birth of the Christ child, God expressed unlimited love and compassion for all of humanity.  The gift of this divine love fills us with joy as a new spirit is born in us.  We become aware that we are loved unconditionally by God. 

God loves us as His sons and daughters.   Living into the spiritual truth that we are one family in God, we experience the gift of peace.  As we practice the spiritual truths of Oneness and being one family in our daily lives, then “Peace on Earth, Goodwill to all” can become a reality for us.  

With the birth of the Christ child, a new spirit is born in our hearts.  May the light of that first Christmas morning shine in our hearts where Christ is born in us today.  May all beings be filled with light and love.  And may all hearts be open and receptive to God’s gifts. 

These invisible gifts of Christmas are good reason for all of us to sing out: 

“Joy to the World!  The Lord is come.  Let every heart prepare Him room, and heaven and nature sing… the wonders of His Love.” 

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Luigi Persichetti is the chaplain for Southern Utah Home Care and Hospice and the minister of the Unity Church of Positive Living in St. George. 

Issue 46.09

Making our “final arrangements” is one of the things we will all have to face sooner or later.  This becomes a more immediate concern for someone who is on hospice.  Often a patient will discuss this matter with me and indicate their wish to have everything “taken care of” so it is not a burden to the family.  Frequently the family members also want to be involved in making decisions regarding the final arrangements for their loved one.

This can be an opportunity for the family to draw closer together and experience the deep love they have for one another.  It can be a joyous occasion – believe it or not.  It’s all a matter of how the dying person and his/her family decide to approach this final “experience of life.”  In today’s culture, we often choose to celebrate a person’s life rather than mourn them.  We will certainly miss their presence amongst us, but we know and understand that death is a reality of life, just as birth is.

Several years ago I was invited to officiate at a friend’s memorial service.  He had discussed the service beforehand with his wife and family members.  He even wrote his own eulogy which I was privileged to read.  He planned where, when and how it was going to take place.   He even chose the scripture readings and music for the occasion.  It was one of the most uplifting services I ever attended. 

Everyone left the service feeling joy and “closer” to my friend than before the service because of his sharing his feeling for family and friends — especially his children.  There were kind words of encouragement for each of them in his eulogy.  We left the chapel feeling the warmth of his spirit, love for each of us and the joy of knowing he had lived a full and happy life according to his own statements and was ready to “Go Home.” 

How a family handles the “final arrangements” for their loved one determines whether it becomes an experience of peace, love and closure for all involved or if the experience leaves them feeling sad and incomplete. 

Unfortunately, some families argue with one another about how things should be done at this time.  This causes an unnecessary hardship for everyone.  It can be a final act of love to the dying person to grant their wishes even if you don’t entirely agree with the way they want to do it. 

Let your love for the dying person be your guide in helping them make their final arrangements.  

Luigi Persichetti is the chaplain for Southern Utah Home Care and Hospice and the minister of the Unity Church of Positive Living in St. George. 

Issue 41.09

“Stop!  I don’t want to talk about death and dying.”  “Don’t even mention the words in front of my mother, father, etc.”  I often hear these comments from families of hospice patients.  Death and dying are not topics of conversation we are comfortable with as a culture and society — even when the time is appropriate to have such a conversation.  

According to a recent study that was made by a prominent medical clinic, 80% of us wish to die at home surrounded by family and loved ones.  However, this same study revealed 70% or more of us die in a hospital alone and among strangers whom we don’t even know!  Why is dying in the comfort of our home and among family such a contradiction when it’s what we most desire?

One reason is the lack of understanding of doctors and family members to have this needed conversation with and for the terminally ill person.  Doctors by their training and philosophy don’t want to have this conversation.  Their professional stance is to do all they can for the terminally ill person.  Talking about death and dying is not part of their normal traditional training.

This was brought home to me recently during a conversation I was having with a friend about hospice.  Her father was placed in the hospital with chronic heart failure.  The doctor did not inform his family that he was dying.  Finally, a nurse told the family that their father was dying and the best thing they could do for him was to take him home.  They took that advice and he died peacefully at home surrounded by his family. 

With the advent of palliative care, this needed conversation on death and dying is taking place more frequently among medical professionals and families but we have a long way to go before we can reverse the statistic quoted earlier. 

If we consider the option of our loved ones dying alone and among strangers rather than surrounded by family and close friends, it will give us the courage to begin this important conversation. 

Luigi Persichetti is the chaplain for Southern Utah Home Care and Hospice and the minister of the Unity Church of Positive Living in St. George.

Issue 30.09

Often people hesitate to be on Hospice because they think it means “the end” – either for themselves or a loved one.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  The purpose of Hospice is to help people to live life “full-out” until the so called “end” comes!

I was reminded of this last month during a couple of visits to my patients.  One patient had the opportunity to experience the Grand Canyon “up close and personal.”  Thanks to a donation by the Garth Last Foundation, he was able to fulfill a final wish to fly over the Grand Canyon.  When the pilot suggested they fly at a higher altitude so the ride would not be so bumpy, the patient said “No way – this is awesome.”  Even though the ride was difficult for him, he wanted to experience the spectacular beauty of the canyon for himself.  A month later he passed away, “a happy camper.”

Another patient defied the odds by fulfilling his dream of attending his 30^th Marine Reunion in Branson, Missouri.  This was the #1 item on his “Bucket List.”  The doctors had not held out much hope that this would be possible.  On a recent visit with him, we joked about starting a new “Bucket List” which he happily did.  The first item was to celebrate his 84^th birthday with friends and family, which he accomplished last week! 

Another item on his new list was a real surprise to me, when he showed up at Unity Church.  I was deeply moved and honored that attending our Sunday service was an important enough item to put on his “List.”  After hearing his beautiful voice during the service, my wife invited him to sing with our Ensemble group.  He enthusiastically added that item to his new “Bucket List.”

The two examples above are some of the possibilities for hospice patients when they approach being on Hospice with a positive attitude of making the best of what life has to offer to them.  May we also discover our own joy in living life “full-out.” 

To obtain more information on the Garth Last Foundation and its service of fulfilling needs and wishes to hospice patients, please contact Jim McDonald at 634-9300.

Luigi Persichetti is the chaplain for Southern Utah Home Care and Hospice and the minister of the Unity Church of Positive Living in St. George.