Issue 10.14
The final words of the dying are very precious to their families and loved ones. Often they express the heartfelt wishes of a dying person. These words are usually filled with love and concern for those they are leaving here on earth.
After ten plus years as a hospice chaplain, it is clear to me that the dying do not want their loved ones to suffer or grieve over them. They are more concerned with the living, than they are about their own dying. It gives them comfort to know their loved ones will be taken care of and will move forward to live full and happy lives, even without them. That is why it is so important for family members to tell the dying person: “Don’t worry about us, we will be ok.” The dying person wants the assurance that we, the living, will continue to live our lives to the fullest.
The last days of the dying person’s life are precious moments for them to express their love for their family. The dying don’t want the dying process to block the free flow of their loving expressions to their loved ones. Sometimes this interruption happens when family members are in denial about their loved one’s dying and refuse to talk about it.
When we realize that birth, life and death are all part of our human journey, we will see death in a whole different perspective. Dying is just as much a part of life as being born is. We need to learn to celebrate the life of our loved one when it’s ending just as we do a birth of a child. The great 20th century theologian, Teillard de Chardin stated it clearly and succinctly: “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”
Our journey here is to discover we are spiritual beings, not just physical beings, and that love is an eternal capacity within us and stronger than death. When we take the opportunity to communicate truthfully and directly with the dying we can experience this spiritual side of life in a deep and meaningful way.
The dying also help us discover the spiritual essence of life through their loving words to us. This was captured so well by a dying man when his wife of 50 years asked him: “My dear, what am I going to do without you?” He lovingly responded, “Take my love and spread it all over.” How empowering, uplifting and freeing are those words to a loved one!!
Luigi Persichetti is the spiritual counselor for Southern Home Care and Hospice and retired Unity Minister from Unity Center of Positive Living in St. George.