Issue 29.14
We choose to attend a funeral to pay respect to the deceased and to show our support to the surviving family members. We arrange for time off from work, don our Sunday best, and arrive ready to convey words of compassion and comfort. We attend the funeral and then return to our work or homes, and our lives carry on as usual. But what of those whose lives are forever changed once the funeral is over? Those that return home to an empty chair, bed, or home?
As a funeral director, I am repeatedly asked how to help a grieving friend. Some of the best advice that I have read concerning grief comes from Deanna Edwards, author of “Grieving: The Pain and the Promise.” In her book, Ms. Edwards defines grief as the “emotional, physical, spiritual, and intellectual response to loss. It is the overwhelming involvement of all of our senses to deprivation. In its many forms, grief comes to all. It can strike us in unexpected ways at any moment in our lives. It reminds us how vulnerable we are and how fragile life is. Grief is inseparably connected to our capacity to love. The depth of our grief is in direct proportion to the clarity and care with which we have loved.”
So what can we do to help a grieving friend? Ms. Edwards points out that often, it is not what we say, but our presence that helps a loved one the most. They need to know that we love them, as “love affirms another person’s right to be and to feel what he feels. To love is to be nonjudgmental and ever present. Love breaks up the terrible anonymity of loneliness.” Simply just being there is often the best medicine for a grieving soul. In addition, most people generally love to hear a memory shared of their loved one, as this assures them that their loved one is not forgotten. Finally, asking the question, “What are your needs right now?” is a respectful way to invite your friend to share their immediate desires.
At Serenity Funeral Home, we are available to answer your questions concerning grief and loss. Please stop by our office to obtain a free funeral planning guide.
Serenity Funeral Home is located just off Riverside Drive at 1316 S. 400 E., St. George, UT, or contact us at (435) 986-2085, or visit us on-line at www.serenitySTG.com.