Issue 9.16
Over the past 24 years working as a funeral director I have seen many changes in the way people handle the passing of a loved one. When I first began my career serving families here in Washington County, the media age had not yet taken hold; it seemed that people had more time, and willingness to honor those who had died. With the passing of time has brought more distractions, and at times a loss of some common courtesy that are important to be taught and used by all.
Here are a few suggestions for all of us who have the opportunity to attend funeral services.
- ARRIVE ON TIME. One of the best ways to honor someone is to be on time. Plan ahead so that you have plenty of time to attend the services. When the family comes into the chapel or designated area for the services for their loved one, it is a humbling moment to have those close to you seated, reverent and ready to honor the deceased.
- TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE. A few years ago at one particular funeral I was working, we were at the beginning of the service, someone’s cell phone sounded. The person allowed their cell to ring all four times through to voicemail before it became silent. Now you would think this was a wake-up call to other guests to check their phones but unfortunately before the service was over 3 other phones also rang the last during the closing prayer. Always check your phone.
- WEAR PROPER ATTIRE. In Western culture the proper attire for attending funerals does vary but it should be conservative clothing that is respectful to the event. Wearing jeans or the same clothes you would wear to a back yard barbeque shows a great lack of care and respect for the person who has died their family and others. Everyone should have at least one nice set of clothes to wear for special occasions.
- RESPECT THE FAMILYS WISHES. Do not criticize the process leading up to the funeral or the event itself. Rituals and styles have shifted in recent years whereby they are not as formal or ritualistic as in the “old days”. Families may choose not to adhere to certain historic customs. Focus on the positive aspects not the negative.
- OBSERVE CULTURAL, RELIGIOUS, AND OTHER PRACTICES. When invited to an observance for someone who is from a culture or faith with which you are less familiar, ask someone about it or go on the web to learn what will be taking place during the event and what you may be expected to do. By knowing ahead of time you can participate and enjoy the experience more fully.
- BRINGING SMALL CHILDREN. If you choose to bring young children to a funeral, brief them ahead of time about the importance of what they are attending. Talk to them about whispering when they talk, and how to sit quietly for a long period of time. Normally if your child can’t do these things for 45 to 60 minutes it may be best to hire a babysitter for a few hours, rather than cause disturbances at this important time.
In the end some consideration, preparation, and respect to those around you will go a long way in the experience you ultimately have.
Todd Bonzo can be contacted at Metcalf Mortuary 435-673-4221.