Issue 25 & 26
Being a caregiver is one of the most stressful tasks we may have in life. It puts us to the test as far as being patient with ourselves as well as with the loved one we are caring for. Sometimes, a caregiver under stress needs a rest from their task to regain balance and equilibrium.
One caregiver stated: “I’m losing my patience and become so upset and angry over little things. I take it out on my husband because he keeps trying to do things he no longer is able to do. I feel ashamed of myself for acting this way.” This is from a wife who loves her husband dearly and has been married for over fifty years.
We all need a respite – a timeout from being under stress. This is especially true for caregivers. However, to talk about a respite to a caregiver almost seems contrary to their purpose. They want to care for their loved one and be available 24/7. To say: ”You need a rest” appears to be at cross purposes when their loved one needs them most right now!
Understanding, patience and love are what the ill person needs. But these caring qualities can become skewed when we are stressed out and can’t experience them for ourselves. We lose sight of the terminally ill person’s own inner struggle to accept the fact he/she can no longer perform simple daily living skills such as dressing themselves, bathing or simply going to the bathroom on one’s own. Losing these abilities can be emotionally devastating for the ill person.
When a patient and caregiver reach a point of impatience, and become angry and resentful towards one another, it is time for a respite. A time out can help restore balance and understanding to their relationship.
A respite in Hospice terms is a period of rest for both parties. Hospice recognizes this need in caring for the terminally ill person and provides this service for the individual. A respite is usually a five day period where the ill person is placed in a care facility so the caregiver(s) can also get some rest. Thus, a respite is not only for the patient, but also for the benefit of the caregiver.
A respite, in fact, is something we all need when life gets to the point where we begin to lose our balance and ability to express love, patience, and understanding to the people we love.
Luigi Persichetti is the chaplain for Southern Utah Home Care and Hospice and the minister of the Unity Church of Positive Living in St. George