Issue 46.09
Making our “final arrangements” is one of the things we will all have to face sooner or later. This becomes a more immediate concern for someone who is on hospice. Often a patient will discuss this matter with me and indicate their wish to have everything “taken care of” so it is not a burden to the family. Frequently the family members also want to be involved in making decisions regarding the final arrangements for their loved one.
This can be an opportunity for the family to draw closer together and experience the deep love they have for one another. It can be a joyous occasion – believe it or not. It’s all a matter of how the dying person and his/her family decide to approach this final “experience of life.” In today’s culture, we often choose to celebrate a person’s life rather than mourn them. We will certainly miss their presence amongst us, but we know and understand that death is a reality of life, just as birth is.
Several years ago I was invited to officiate at a friend’s memorial service. He had discussed the service beforehand with his wife and family members. He even wrote his own eulogy which I was privileged to read. He planned where, when and how it was going to take place. He even chose the scripture readings and music for the occasion. It was one of the most uplifting services I ever attended.
Everyone left the service feeling joy and “closer” to my friend than before the service because of his sharing his feeling for family and friends — especially his children. There were kind words of encouragement for each of them in his eulogy. We left the chapel feeling the warmth of his spirit, love for each of us and the joy of knowing he had lived a full and happy life according to his own statements and was ready to “Go Home.”
How a family handles the “final arrangements” for their loved one determines whether it becomes an experience of peace, love and closure for all involved or if the experience leaves them feeling sad and incomplete.
Unfortunately, some families argue with one another about how things should be done at this time. This causes an unnecessary hardship for everyone. It can be a final act of love to the dying person to grant their wishes even if you don’t entirely agree with the way they want to do it.
Let your love for the dying person be your guide in helping them make their final arrangements.
Luigi Persichetti is the chaplain for Southern Utah Home Care and Hospice and the minister of the Unity Church of Positive Living in St. George.