Issue 33.10
Just like people who care for the physical needs of the dying bring with them their medical bag of instruments, supplies and medications, so those of us who are companions and caregivers must also bring our own “tools” of the trade for assisting the dying on their journey. Being with the dying doesn’t require some advanced training or degree. What’s needed and wanted is that a companion and/or caregiver be their authentic and compassionate self.
As we companion with the dying we begin to understand the dying person doesn’t want special treatment. They just want to be loved the same way they were loved before being notified they have a terminal illness.
The dying delight in the ordinariness of daily living. The simple things of life give them great pleasure. Listening to a TV program or sharing a conversation with a friend are some of the pleasures the dying relish. One patient on Hospice looked forward to the weekly visit of his nurse who took time to watch Andy Griffith’s ”Matlock” with him during her medical house call.
The dying enjoy hearing the sounds of life, the laughter of children, voices of family members, the clatter of pots and pans and the simple noises of living. One person loved having the daily newspaper read to her by her companion. Another Hospice patient I knew enjoyed his weekly trip to Wal-Mart where he rode the scooter up and down the aisles and made friends with many of the employees.
The dying desire and want to be around the living and to be involved and to share in what’s going on. They often request their bed be moved into the living room as their time gets close because they want to be part of life until the very end.
As we companion with the dying, we need to understand that death is not a stigma or disease like leprosy.
Staying away from them is not what they want or need; rather it is a loving conversation with those they love. It only takes willingness on our part to be present, to listen, to be patient and accept the person and their situation for what it is. Sharing time, humor, s listening ear and an understanding heart are “tools” we already possess. They make a big difference to those we companion and care for and to us.
Luigi Persichetti is the chaplain for Southern Utah Home Care and Hospice and the minister of the Unity Church of Positive Living in St. George.