Issue 41.10
Just try having a social life as a newly divorced mother of three rambunctious boys. Finding the energy after working fulltime all week to support a family, then trying to get over the fears of risking again was daunting. Any new relationship had two strikes against it. Add in dependent children and their fears about their missing parent being replaced, and you can feel what was involved. Our church organized dances for singles of all ages on weekends. The single men at the social activities were few and far between. The numerous females at any dance or activity outnumbered the males by at least 4 to 1. Nevertheless, they were well attended by single women. Many shy single men probably hated these social events and didn’t come.
Let me describe the dances for you. First of all they reminded me of a “cattle auction.” The women all lined up in little groups around the outside of the dance floor (a church cultural hall gym.) The men came in usually alone or with another bachelor friend. Making the walk around the gym floor, they quickly sized up whom they wanted to ask to dance. Of course, there were always those few brave single women who took the situation into their own hands. Upon spotting a new eligible (they hoped) gentleman at the dance, a brave woman could be known to go up and ask the man for a dance. My cousins newly divorced both meet their second husbands this way. But that’s an exception to what generally happens.
Becoming a wallflower and not being asked to dance, because you aren’t one of the courageous few that seeks out a partner, is embarrassing and lowers your self-esteem. As you stand around in the subdued lighting of the cultural hall, you wonder why in the world you hired a babysitter to stay home with your kids, and expose yourself to being rejected again. I remember after many dances and activities, I would decide that this was the last time I would attend. But you don’t find another husband by sitting at home alone with your kids. It may take years of these kinds of activities to get results or you may never find another mate willing to take on the added responsibilities. Contact lin@sunrivertoday.com or call 628-8522 to purchase a bound copy of these columns for the past two years for $10.