Issue 45.10
Surviving as a parent to three teenagers was the biggest challenge I’d ever faced. Not to mention how difficult it was for my new inexperienced husband, their stepfather. It isn’t easy to raise teens during their rebellious years, even if you are their biological parent. Rearing a teenager reminds me of my thoughts, as I was about to give birth to my first baby; it was impossible to stop the labor process and NOT have the child. The only choice was to go THROUGH the experience. As my sweet little newborns changed into toddlers and learned to say “no,” I was given a preview of what their teenage years could be like.
For thirteen more years of my life, I tried to make a success of my second marriage and blended family. Then came the time when despite counseling, and separations, I decided our relationship just wouldn’t work. It wasn’t an easy decision, but necessary for my emotional survival. If getting a divorce is traumatic, trying getting divorced “twice.” Maybe this is why so many in our modern day society aren’t even bothering to get married, but just cohabitating. It simplifies the breaking up part, if that happens. After experiencing one divorce then remarrying, I never wanted to put myself or my children through that experience again.
But this second divorce was simpler as my estranged spouse had already returned to live and work in his homeland Sweden, while I continued my employment as a school librarian raising our young son alone in America. My older sons had married or left home by this time. Deciding to divorce is like admitting failure, but if you’ve given your marriage the best efforts you are capable of, there may not be any other possibility. The odds for a second marriage lasting are less than for a first marriage, which is understandable with all the pressures of step parenting, blending families, etc.
Beginning over again, you would think I’d avoid the singles dating scene again, but I was lonely. After my divorce was final, I felt the need for social interaction and returned to my church’s singles dances. I found them no different than my initial experience, yet I continued to attend. In some corner of my heart, my broken dream of “finding my prince and living happily ever after” had not died. Contact lin@sunrivertoday.com or call 628-8522 to purchase a bound copy of these columns for the past two years for $10.