Issue 7.11
When one decides to companion or “be with” a dying person, we enter into a journey that becomes a sacred path. The two of us journey together for awhile knowing at some point each of us will have to let go and surrender to the mystery of life. Each will “come alive” to a new and different way of being and living.
When asked: what’s missing that, if it was present, would transform our perception of dying? Brother David, a Benedictine monk and founder of Gratefulness.org states: “We must be fully alive to understand and appreciate the activity of dying.”
That sounds like a contradiction, but if we step back and think about it, we will be able to understand and appreciate what he is saying. When we enter into this sacred journey with one another, we (as the caregiver or companion) set aside our own concerns and focus on the life of the dying person. Death becomes our teacher and the dying person our “guru” or master teacher about life.
As we focus on our dying loved one we become clearer about what’s important in life: the relationship we share, the love between us, being present to one another, and the intangible experiences we’ve had together, such as love, joy, peace and laughter. Our hearts learn to be more compassionate, loving and patient during this time. We find ourselves growing in these spiritual qualities because we know time is short and soon our paths will separate. Our loved one will go on into a new realm of existence, and we will be left here to continue applying the lessons we have learned.
During this journey, our emotions and feelings are on high alert to respond in a loving way to the needs of our dying companion. Reflecting back on this experience, we are made aware that success, money and meeting demanding schedules are secondary to taking time to developing a loving relationship with people around us. The appreciation of sharing our life, time and love with others is what will make a difference beyond the threshold of death. If we are lucky enough to companion a dying person and share that sacred path, we recognize how precious each of us is to one another. That experience is an opportunity to experience life and love more deeply and fully than ever before!
Luigi Persichetti is the chaplain for Southern Utah Home Care and Hospice and the minister of the Unity Church of Positive Living in St. George.