Issue 13.11
We are all connected in a deep and abiding way. This is a spiritual truth held by many of the world’s religions. We are One in Spirit and through our connection with the Divine, we are one family.
This bond is most evident and apparent in our relationship with family members. This is one reason why it is so difficult for us to let go when a family member or close friend is dying. Our first response is: “No, this can’t be happening.” Or “There must be something I can do to fix it! There must be some cure for this illness, disease, or life threatening issue. Please, God, don’t take my mother, father, sister, brother, (whomever) from me!”
It’s hard to say goodbye to a loved one who is dying. Some of us want to challenge the reality of death. We want to hold on to our loved one for dear life! And some of us attempt to do that by our actions. Nothing anyone can say or do will make it any easier for us, when we see Death as a “bad thing.”
However, the spiritual truth for many is that death is not the end but only a doorway to greater eternal life. This belief helps ease some of the pain of letting go, but not all of it.
Because the bonds among family members run so deep, it is difficult to say a final goodbye. It’s also hard for the dying person who is concerned for those being “left behind.” Sometimes the dying will linger on until they realize and accept their loved ones will be ok without them.
Saying our “Goodbyes” out loud is important to the dying. It is part of their process of being released to move on and know that the living are ready to move on without them. It brings the dying peace and comfort to know and to hear “It’s OK to go” from those they love.
People who have practiced this ritual of saying “Goodbye” to their loved ones relate they have experienced relief, peace and comfort afterwards. If you are facing this situation with a loved one, take time now to say your “goodbyes” for their sake as well as your own. Once you have had this heartfelt conversation with them, you will experience peace for yourself and for your loved one.
Luigi Persichetti is the chaplain for Southern Utah Home Care and Hospice and the minister of the Unity Center of Positive Living in St. George.