Issue 11.11
Viewing a deceased loved one is psychologically important to survivors, especially those close to the deceased. American society at times wants to pull a veil of denial across the sight of the deceased loved ones. We tell ourselves we want to remember them the way they were, or we don’t need to dwell on death and by doing so we deny ourselves the opportunity to achieve closure, by frankly acknowledging the reality and finality of death by seeing the deceased.
While someone should never be forced to go to a viewing, I have seen and heard many comments from both family and friends of how helpful the viewing was for them for many reasons. I have also heard from many who elected not to view who have wondered and questioned the loss of a loved one.
The viewing and funeral and/or memorialization process is the initial step in starting the healing process. As when a bone is broken, care is taken to properly reset the break so that it will heal and once again regain healthy function. A viewing in much the same the way helps us reset by acknowledging and internalizing the death. While neither can be called a pleasant experience, both are needed and aid in the healing process, leading to a healthy functional life. Grieving is hard, both physically as well as emotionally. While we may never be the same as before, we can heal, grow and go on to lead a full and meaningful (healthy) life.
We can learn from children. Adolescent children seem to understand and readily accept death better than adults. They are able to quickly internalize the life change and move forward. It is usually the adults who have a more difficult time dealing with death.
While you may not care what happens to your remains following death, don’t deny your family the opportunity to heal through viewing, funeral or memorialization, by telling them to do nothing. Some situations may prevent the viewing of a loved one, but when able, I would encourage you to give yourself an opportunity to reset and heal by participating.
The following statement from “The Funeral from Ancient Egypt to Present Day America” helps us understand funerals and viewings:
THE FUNERAL
Helps confirm the reality and finality of death.
Provides a climate for mourning and the expression of grief.
Allows the sorrows of one to become the sorrows of many.
Is one of the few times love is given and not expected in return.
Is a vehicle for the community to pay its respects.
Encourages the affirmation of religious faith.
Is a declaration that a life has been lived as well as a sociological statement that a death has occurred.