Issue 41.11
Most of the time, families work through the process of dividing personal property fairly well following the death of a loved one. There may be emotional or tense moments in that process, but usually families find it a positive experience. Other times serious problems occur and the process spins out of control. Communication might stop. One or two items become lightening rods for deep feelings and old issues to strike. Failure to resolve these issues at this critical time can build and linger for years.
Your family needs to understand that they won’t know ahead of time the emotional “triggers” that are tied to the respective pieces of personal property. There may be items that have special meaning to some that only death will bring out. An attitude that “I have to have this watch because dad and I always joked about him being late,” or “I get to choose first because I took care of mom while you were in Phoenix not doing anything!” can spring up almost out of nowhere.
Often the decedent will leave verbal or written instructions of who they want to receive certain items of personal property. If those wishes of the decedent are arbitrary in terms of monetary fairness as well as which family members are recognized, tensions will rise. In the middle of that problem stands the Personal Representative of the estate, who will want to honor the spirit of the decedent’s wishes while realizing that doing so will not result in a “fair” division of the property.
One suggestion that can help dispel contentions before they get too far is to have items of contention appraised. Things that were expensive to purchase initially may now have little or no current value. Collectables that everyone thought would be worth thousands may only be worth a few dollars. On the other hand, there may be that hidden treasure in the attic that does have real value, but no one knows it. Having an understanding about the real value of contested items can help the family explore their decisions concerning them.
After placing a real value on each item, the family should agree that at the end of the day, each heir’s value of their share, including cash, real estate, and other assets, will be equal to the others. This will free the family to deal with the variable emotional content of each item named by the decedent and those that were not named.
Of course, each family is different, and each will usually determine their own method of dealing with contentions. Whether they draw numbers, use “funny money,” real money, or other method to determine the disposition of personal items, it is most important that the living decide on a method that is as fair as possible, and that resolves issues before they interfere with family relationships.
Sean Sullivan is an attorney and shareholder of the firm of Brindley Sullivan, PC, located at 382 S. Bluff, St. 150, St. George, UT 84770, (435) 673-9220.