Issue 21.12
There are some individuals that you’ll meet in life or even in your own family that I call crazymakers. Julia Cameron in The Artist’s Way describes them as living in a world of conflict, confusion and chaos. They take everything personally. Any remark you make can be interpreted in a negative way. Despite your apologies and trying to discuss the uneasy relationship between you, they push you away making you feel crazy. I’ve always felt it was possible to talk out any disagreements if you tried hard enough, but not so with crazymakers.
When a person like this is irrational and trying to take control of a relationship with their emotions, try kindness and patience and not engaging the so-called “enemy.” It you don’t take the bait or hooks they offer, and then they can’t trap you in their pity parties or guilt loads. Become an observer of the situation. Avoid getting emotionally involved; listen and watch how the other person acts and how you react. Try to love them unconditionally and model appropriate behavior. Whenever you engage in a negative situation with an argument, there is never a winner. Holding grudges will get you nowhere over time. Try not to be overly defensive, especially in families.
What if you are the crazymaker? Journaling can be a great help in any relationship to understand your own feelings and be able to develop healthier emotions. Crazymakers despite their age can be aggressive or passive aggressive-finding ways to manipulate others into doing what they want with their poor me and other techniques. If you are in an abusive relationship of any kind with such a person, you hold the keys to changing your situation as you become aware of how and why you react certain ways.
Professional counseling is always helpful and talking with a close friend, a loving family member or a trusted spiritual adviser who will listen and counsel you. In some extreme cases, it may be necessary to separate from the crazymaker or put up some protective barriers. Not visiting or interacting with them alone could solve the situation for now. Perhaps sometime in the future, you will be able to reach out and connect with this person. Continue to send love from a distance and don’t lose contact. Find ways to fill your well and value you. Remember all this shall pass. Don’t take it personally. NEXT TIME: True Friends. It’s not too late to buy Find Your Voice: Write Your Life Story, available for $10. Call 628-8522 or email lin@sunrivertoday.com to get this helpful book today.