Columnists

Genealogy Corner… I Seek Dead People!

Issue 31.12

A friend of mine sent me an email full of genealogy funnies that I thought our readers would enjoy.  My family tree is a few branches short! All help appreciated.  My family coat of arms ties at the back … is that normal?  My ancestors must be in a witness protection program!

Shake your family tree and watch the nuts fall!  My hobby is genealogy; I raise dust bunnies as pets.  How can one ancestor cause so much TROUBLE?!  I looked into my family tree and found out I was a sap…  I’m not stuck – I’m ancestrally challenged.  I’m searching for myself; have you seen me? 

If only people came with pull-down menus and on-line help.  Isn’t genealogy fun?  The answer to one question leads to two more!  Its 2012 … do you know where your great-great grandparents are?  A family tree can wither if no one tends its roots.  A new cousin a day keeps the boredom away.  After 30 days unclaimed ancestors will be adopted.  Any family tree produces some lemons, some nuts, and a few bad apples. 

Ever find an ancestor HANGING from the family tree?  Floor: The place for storing your priceless genealogical records.  Gene-Allergy: It’s a contagious disease but I love it.  Genealogists are time unravelers.  Genealogy is like playing hide and seek, they hide…I seek.  Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to better people.  “Crazy” is a relative term in my family.  A pack rat is hard to live with but makes a fine ancestor. 

I want to find ALL of them! So far I only have a few thousand.  I should have asked them BEFORE they died!  I think my ancestors had several “bad heir” days.  I’m always late; my ancestors must have arrived on the June flower.  Only a genealogist regards a step backwards as progress.  Heredity: Everyone believes in it until their children act like fools!  It’s an unusual family that hath neither a lady of the evening nor a thief.  Many a family tree needs pruning.  Shh! be very, very quiet … I’m hunting forebears.

That’s strange, half my ancestors are WOMEN!  Snobs talk as if they had begotten their own ancestors.  I’m not sick; I’ve just got fading genes.  Genealogists live in the past lane.  All right, everybody out of the gene pool!  Documentation: the hardest part of genealogy.  Genealogy: Chasing your own tale!  Genealogy … will I ever find time to mow the lawn again?  I researched my family tree … and apparently I don’t exist.

For more information, contact: Shanna Jones shannasjones@msn.com (435) 628-4900.

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