Issue 37.13
Growing older can bring the challenge of living alone for many married couples. The years you are married bring a security knowing that someone is there to support and care for you, but there is the reality that at some unknown time death will separate you. This event can be abrupt and sudden, when a heart attack or stroke disables one partner or death may be drawn out with suffering from a devastating disease. The real test of any marriage or committed relationship is growing closer during these difficult times.
Falling in love with its romantic emotions is thrilling, but the test of a couple’s love and devotion is enduring to the end. Having a partner who is there with understanding and patience when health issues arise brings a sense of security. Knowing the other person will love you in spite of weight gains, changes in appearance as you age or face disease and disabilities is comforting. I love watching a caregiver who gently and patiently takes care of his or her partner when needed: unloading a walker, wheel chair or power chair in a parking lot, then helping a spouse out of the car and into the doctor’s office or a store. What a blessing a committed partner is to his or her loved one when it’s so needed.
It’s easy to feel committed to a relationship when you are young or newly married, but the real test comes in the days, weeks, months and sometimes decades of daily care required at the end of many relationships. What an example to family are those couples that remain side by side through sickness, health, and finally death’s farewell. I tried to capture that feeling in this poem I wrote after seeing an older gentlemen at a local cemetery.
DEPARTURE // Gingerly he crosses / the uneven ground, / afraid of falling / holds firmly to his cane. // Three months have passed / since she departed, / leaving him behind, alone. // Sixty years ago, / they were so young, in love, / pledged their vows solemnly. // Oh, to return now / for one day or just an hour, / hold her in his arms, // tenderly express his love, / feel again her sweet touch. // Time is too cruel, / taking her away so suddenly / his dear companion. // He leaves a single daisy, / her favorite on the grave.// NEXT TIME: Divorced? Lin’s newest book DISCOVER YOUR VOICE AFTER DIVORCE: Writing Workbook for Healing and Recovery is available for $15, call 628-8522 or email lin@sunrivertoday.com.