Issue 44.13
Thirty years ago there was a cultural shift in the way we dealt with death and dying. Through the heroic work of Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, we learned to treat the dying with more dignity. There was also a cultural shift in the way we buried our loved ones. Instead of the somber and sad funeral ceremonies of the past, people began to celebrate the life of their loved one with more positive attitudes. Traditional funerals became Life Celebrations and a time of grateful remembrance.
Today there is another cultural shift taking place in how we process our grief. People are searching for different ways to move beyond our grieving.
In order to process and heal from their grief, some folks are using rituals to remind themselves of their loved one in a positive way. Instead of sadness, people are experiencing gratitude and peace for the special relationship they had with their loved one.
A friend recently confided to me that she and her two sisters, along with their father, celebrate her mother’s birthday every year. They spend the day together celebrating the wisdom, spirit and joy their mother brought into their lives. They have been practicing this ritual for over ten years.
A husband who lost his wife recently, continues to play the piano in the evening – a practice his wife enjoyed so much when she was alive. He stated that continuing this ritual gives him comfort and pleasure. He feels a deep sense of peace, joy and gratitude of having had such a loving relationship with his wife.
This reminded me of a ritual that I practiced after my mother passed away 15 years ago. I would go to our favorite restaurant where our custom had been to share a meal together every Sunday. For several months I returned to Dot’s Café once a month and ordered our favorite meal – the Cajun Catfish Platter. Somehow, this ritual brought me peace and comfort. Gradually I let go of the practice and moved on with my life, sensing that’s what my mother would want me to do.
Perhaps those of you who have lost a loved one have a favorite ritual which might bring you peace and comfort too, if you practice it. Give this idea of ritual some thought and try it. It may help you in processing some of your own grief.
Rev. Luigi Persichetti is the spiritual counselor for Southern Utah Home Care and Hospice and retired Unity minister from Unity Center of Positive Living in St. George.