Issue 32.11
Our culture places a lot of emphasis on death being final. Even though we are a diverse nation of many faiths believing in an afterlife, as a culture we view death and dying as the ultimate tragedy. Many give lip service to their religious beliefs but their actions and behavior seem to indicate an incongruity in the way they respond to death. The general feeling in our culture is when someone is gone, they are gone for good.
This contradiction between culture and faith beliefs is the cause of much grief and pain when a loved one dies. More emphasis is put on feelings of separation and pain rather than seeing the “spiritual advancement” a loved one has attained for themselves.
How can we bring these conflicting beliefs and feelings into a meaningful resolution for ourselves? Scripture tells us “Love is stronger than death.” But is this just a pious platitude for us or is it a real tenet in our spiritual belief system? If we believe Love is stronger than death then we know that we cannot be separated from our loved ones. When we believe and we practice this spiritual truth we know their love continues to support us and we continue to have a spiritual connection with them.
This may sound far-fetched to some, but communing with our deceased loved ones is a spiritual reality that can be used to overcome the feelings of separation and pain. After my mother died, I had deep spiritual experience of her unconditional love still being with me and guiding me. This occurred once, but it set the stage for my being able to commune with her through reflecting on her spirit and love being present and available to me. This has brought me much comfort and solace in overcoming my own pain and grief.
Stopping for a moment and reflecting on what a deceased loved one would say to us and want for us will help shed some light and hope on our grief. An excellent way to do this is to write a letter to ourselves from a loved one using words they might say to us. This will help begin the process of letting go of some feelings of grief and separation.
Many people have experienced Love in this way as a spiritual quality. We too can step into this transcendence of love and commune with those who have gone before us, experiencing their love and guidance for us in a spiritual way.
Luigi Persichetti is the chaplain for Southern Utah Home Care and Hospice and the minister of the Unity Center of Positive Living in St. George.