Issue 22.13
Funerals are a difficult time, regardless of your relationship with the person who has died. Funerals aren’t what they were a decade ago, however. Increasingly personal and unique, with an increase in non-traditional funeral services, it is oftentimes challenging to determine what or isn’t appropriate, from how to express grief to funeral etiquette in changing times. There is no right or wrong answer, but the guiding principle should be your concern for the wishes of the family.
Obituaries can often provide useful information about what can be expected at a service, whether flowers are welcome, or donations to a favorite charity. As funerals become more of the personal celebration of a life, so too, do the practices we’ve come to associate so closely with a funeral service.
One of the biggest questions asked today is what is appropriate to wear to a funeral. Tradition used to hold that black was the only appropriate color, but that is no longer the case. Funeral attire is still generally a more formal affair, but bright colors are not necessarily out of place at a service. While more conservative dress is still favored most often, funerals that may reflect a favorite hobby or certain lifestyle may find mourners arriving at a funeral home in biker gear, to give but one example. Again, the presiding rule is to respect the wishes of the family and the deceased, and to pay tribute to them in a way that’s fitting.
Funerals are a time for mourning, but they are also a time of celebration, of remembering a life and sharing those connections. It’s natural to grieve, but also natural to smile through those tears and laugh as you exchange stories with family and friends. Beyond extending condolences, don’t be afraid to offer comfort to a grieving family member by relaying a treasured memory or two about their loved one. Sending a card with a note expressing similar sentiments is also a welcome reminder to families that they are not alone in their loss.
While funerals continue to evolve, the core meaning behind them hasn’t changed. They are an opportunity to remember, to show care for both the departed and the survivors, and to come together as a community to pay tribute to a life. Being aware and respectful of the family’s wishes should provide you with all the guidance you need. Just knowing that you’re there and that you care is often more than enough.
Ron Metcalf is the Personal Funeral Director at Metcalf Mortuary, 300 W. St. George Blvd , St. George and can be reached at 435-673-4221.